Moved by Moving

Leaving home gets harder and harder every time I do it. And I’m always asked, “Why do you like living abroad?” and “How do you do it?”

After years of thinking about it, I finally found some potential answers, thoughts repeated in my mind if nothing else.

I have developed a deep, deep passion for the world. I’ve had it for years, and I’m guessing I always will. It keeps me going and partly blinds me from the pain that I inevitably feel when I leave. This world just has so much to offer. There are so many people and lessons and activities and views to meet and learn and do and see. The fact that all of this is available and waiting is pretty insane to me and I can’t miss out. Long ago I told myself I would see as much of the world as I could and this goal is never-ending and doesn’t get easier the older I grow, but until that promise no longer serves me, I must go and go and go.

I look around and think to myself that the reason life is so wonderful is because we get to choose. Sure, there are some givens, but at the end of the day I hope we can all recognize that we have the power to change what surrounds, consumes, inspires, angers, and pushes us, simply by making different choices. Sometimes I look at the places I spend most of my time, at the things I own and use, and at the people I share my days with. When I see each of these truly, I am able to trace back to the moment I let them in, and more importantly, the moment I let them stay. Through this consistent practice I’ve come to the understanding that I am allowing what and who surrounds me. When I leave home, I recognize fully that it is my choice, and that there is no one else to thank or blame for what I see when I open my eyes.

I love home. I love coming home and I love being home. I love the place I get to call home, and the people from home that I get to keep in my life regardless of whether I’m physically there or not. I treasure this place so deeply because I only get to have it sometimes. At this point, many places feel like home, and I can’t afford to take that for granted either. But home has always been people for me. It just so happens that a large percentage of the people I love are in the same place, and for that fact alone, I love home.

I crave stories. How else would we learn and grow from each other if we didn’t share them with each other? Most anything we say or exchange in conversation, on social media, through music and film, while people-watching, and when we lie awake at night thinking about our day, is a story. They are being shared in different ways, selectively, and again we can choose and craft them how we want to. Anything that happens to us is one story, and the way we choose to see it once it’s done or tell it when it’s over, are other stories. Every place I go gives me another story to tell, and many to listen to. At any time I can draw from this archive, and I can learn.

I like being uncomfortable. I like placing and finding myself outside of the zone I would describe as “comfortable”. I like the rush of new environments and unfamiliar ground. I like how it feels to know that time is all it takes to adjust to most change and most difficulties. And I know from experience, that when we are uncomfortable, we are growing. It’s easy to stay, but I prefer a little bit of pushing my boundaries if it means expanding my growth as a human through the days I have been given. I don’t like leaving because it’s uncomfortable, I like leaving because of where it gets me. So, here I am again, getting through the uncomfortable changes to find what is waiting for me. And something always is.

Every time I leave home, I cry at the airport while waiting at the gate for boarding. It’s never because I want to stay, but because leaving doesn’t feel as good as arriving. The last few months I spent at home have been everything I’ve dreamt of and more. I am so grateful for all the time I got to share with so many people, all of whom I consider myself lucky to know and connect with. I’m thankful for all the food that I got to eat, and that I am always missing when away. I know that home isn’t everyone’s favorite place, so I know my luck for all that it is, to have been brought to a place that fills me with good love and good memories, each and every time.

 

 

codea in Korea: Fall 2015

Mount Fuji and Tokyo, Japan

This is one of my favorite videos that I’ve made so far this year. I proudly watch it often if I have a few minutes to spare – Japan is pretty easy to miss once you visit! I remember having a lot of trouble choosing which clips to take out of the video so that it would all fit within the time of the song. Every clip was significant and memorable to our trip, so the ones that made this final cut are truly the cream of the crop.

A Hard Word To Define

Recently, I visited the place that was my very first home (for ten years) for the first time since 2001. It was a very moving, emotional, and exciting time, and I find it hard to believe that I spent so much time away from there.

Most people don’t take fourteen years to go back home. And while I called New Jersey “home” in the interim, I have always considered the Philippines my real home. What else would you call the place you grew up?

Before leaving the Philippines for the U.S., I think I already became the person I am today through my experiences there. So many of my beliefs and values were formed there, in my first ten years of life. I have held on to the kindness, patience, determination, hard-working attitude, and yearning for simplicity that I think are engrained in Filipinos. Going home did not only allow me to return to my roots, but it also proved to me that much of who I am is because of where I came from. And I am so, so proud of that.

I know that I became a totally different person than I would have if I never moved, but I still feel so deeply connected to my country and the people there. Everything came back so fast. I remember what it was like to shower with a bucket and a water heater, and to look around and see families living in shacks alongside the road. I remember what it’s like to see cockroaches and small lizards everywhere, and even what the local markets smell like. Those feelings and images and smells have never escaped me entirely, but they were nothing more than blurred memories until just a few weeks ago.

In this short amount of time, one thing has become very clear to me about the definition of home: I will never have just one. There’s a Pico Iyer quotes that goes like this: “Home is not just the place where you happen to be born. It’s the place where you become yourself.”

Somehow, I am lucky enough to be able to say that that both parts of that quote describe the same place for me. I am also lucky enough to say that I am who I am thanks to more than just one or two places. In the last few weeks, I’ve learned that I have called many places “home” in my twenty-three years of life, and as a result of that, the very definition of “home” is constantly changing for me.

The home that I was born in is the Philippines, but the home that I grew up in was across the world in New Jersey. The home where I built an entirely new, separate life was in New York where I went to college, and the home that stole my heart was Sevilla. Now, I’m breathing the air in a country that is my current home: South Korea.

With each change of home, I have felt this growth in myself, and each place has made me a better person in its own way. Through constant movement, I am learning more and more about the different corners of our world and the people in it, and it makes me hope that everyone could also have many places to call “home.”

Best Earth Day Ever

Reasons today is great:

1.  It’s Earth Day!!!! I celebrated on Sunday by planting with my nieces.

2.  I woke up early and cooked breakfast with my roommate.

3.  I was nominated for GoAbroad.com’s 2014 Innovation Awards for the Start the Adventure Award.  I only have the good people over at API Study Abroad to thank for this wonderful surprise!

4.  This is the first blog I am posting in a while…

5.  My website is updated with a new theme!!

A weekend of talking, traveling, and theorizing…

This past weekend I went to a Study Abroad Returnee conference in Boston, and it was just what I needed.

On the entire 3 1/2-hour drive up to Boston from NY with my friend Kerianne (fellow API Peer Mentor), we did not listen to a single song.  We talked literally the entire time and had so much much more to say by the end of the drive.

What’s crazy about our friendship is that we have actually only met in person one other time–in Austin during internship training.  From this one friendship and this one weekend trip we took together, I have learned more than I ever expected to.  We are the same in many ways and yet the life she has led is worlds different from mine.  Having her as a friend is helpful in the sense that I can learn so much from her, and so much with her.

What did I learn this weekend?

A new definition of “home”

At the conference, we participated in a session titled “The Only Constant In Life Is Change”.  Study abroad alumni talked about how the study abroad experience changed them, and what their experience meant in many contexts.  There were so many thoughts that I related to, like the feeling upon returning home that everything had changed in me as a person, but nothing had changed in the place where I left.

The definition of “home” came up, and one particular answer really opened my eyes.

“Home is a place where you grow.  And you can reach a point where you are done growing.”

The student who said that is going back to live in her host country, Spain, after graduation in May.  She feels as though she did not do all of the growing that she needed to in her short time there.  It’s really incredible to have heard what her perception and definition of “home” was because I had never thought of it in that sense before.  I have always known that home is not one single place, and that it has to do with the people around us, but I never thought about why or how exactly my role made a place “home”.

Even while we are all always growing, we can grow in different ways 

In the same discussion at the conference, a student opened up and said that when she got home, she felt like nothing had changed except for her.  Everyone was worried about the same old things, and it was as if no one had anything new to share while she had hours and hours of stories to tell.

We talked about how, unfortunately, experiences separate us from people–whether the experiences are travel or not.  Students often come home from studying abroad with a newfound sense and perspective on life and what it means to be alive.  Just like people who like animals tend to befriend other people who like animals, and people who like computers tend to befriend other people who like computers, people who travel tend to gravitate toward fellow travelers.

Growing apart from people can happen for an infinite number of reasons, but study abroad students know that this happens especially when one begins to have different life experiences from others.  The passion that we travel-addicts have is undeniably contagious.  We are relentless when it comes to seeing the world and passing the passion on, but of all people I think travelers are the most accepting and the most open.  I think we recognize that although there are differences between each of us–travel experience, likes/dislikes, interests, backgrounds–there is nothing that should keep two people from getting along.

We must maintain a sense of adventure in all environments

To help us cope with this falsity that home is boring and slow, or that life abroad is better, someone at the conference told us that there is adventure all around us, no matter where we are, whether we are somewhere new or familiar.

I grew up right outside of New York City and I still have yet to go to the top of the Empire State Building, or see the Statue of Liberty.  Why is that?  There are millions of people who have seen more of this city than I have…and I’ve been here for more than half of my life.

Thinking about this gave me a much needed wake-up call.  I think I need to be a tourist in my own city, every day.  I’m sure there’s a cafe, bookstore, museum, etc. close by, where I could do a little growing and a lot of learning.

Keeping a sense of adventure in the place where you are is just as important as finding a new sense of adventure in the place where you want to be.  Kerianne told me about her travel writing class, and how the professor always says,

“You don’t have to get on a plane to travel.”

I think we (as a society) need to reevaluate what travel means, and look at it in a new way.  Traveling means “making a journey”.  That could be done without moving an inch.  Our senses and our minds (and our technology!) can take us anywhere, and maybe traveling is more about the feeling we get when we discover new places and learn new things.  Maybe it’s more about the concept of newness, and less about the place we go physically.  Knowing that I can do it through my senses, I can be more grateful for travel and adventure–whether it be a physical journey near or far, or a completely imagined adventure.

I was driving in the car with my mom, and outside our window were mountains behind the river, and a sunset behind the mountains.  She said, “You know, I always look at flights to Switzerland and think about what the scenery looks like, but look–it’s just as beautiful right here.”

I’m on the way to finding what makes me happy

It is mind blowing how constantly ecstatic I feel whenever I’m doing anything related to international education/study abroad. The stories, the people, the constant learning,  and the genuine interest I have encountered in this field are unlike any other. I am fully aware of lucky I am to have had the opportunity to go abroad and not only to have caught the travel bug, but to have also had the international education open mindset instilled in me at such a young age.

There are certain subjects and fields which I have entertained to be where my future career might lie, but I think I’m discovering that I don’t need to think about it so much.  I believe that humans, sometimes subconsciously, drift toward the direction of their passions.

In the beginning, I didn’t know how much international education would influence me or mean to me.  I became a Peer Mentor with API because I wanted to tell people about my study abroad experience.  At the time, I don’t think I even realized how much my time abroad changed me.  It continues to change me for the better every single day, and I think my undying interest in this field has fueled that.

Maybe the way to be happy and stay happy is simply to share the things that make us glad to be alive.  That seems like a ridiculously obvious statement, but every day I see and hear people talking so negatively about how they spend their time.

It feels like most people do things that make them unhappy because they think in the end, they will be rewarded.  But there is no guarantee of that at all, so I am making it a point to consciously move toward happiness by doing things that make me happy–every step of the way.  And I am well on my way.

An excerpt from my journal…

This comes from a journal entry I wrote on the airplane home at the end of my semester abroad.  It hurts so much to read.  But it’s incredible that none of my feelings have changed.

“Our last night was surreal.  I just never realized how close we all got.  We kept moving locations as we tried to say our final goodbyes, but then we just ended up staying for another few hours.  By 6 am we said goodbye to Melissa and Ben.  We were all crying.  When Meliss got in that cab and we waved her off, it really got me.

After spending all of these days together and being thrown into this city, we weren’t forced to become so close, but we chose to be. And that’s the beauty of this whole experience.  That, and how lucky we all are to have found each other.

Ben and I always get into deep conversations, and that last night we talked about how much this experience meant to us, and how much it will mean for the rest of our lives.  We just couldn’t believe that the last few months were real at all.  I think we were all at a loss for words saying goodbye.

On the walk home we stopped at a bench on the bridge and cried some more.  It just killed me to see everyone so emotional, but it meant the world because it showed me how impactful this journey was, not just for me but for everyone involved.  We are nothing but a family, and that makes me feel better about the goodbyes.

I know I’ll never have another adventure like this one.  I’ll have adventures, no doubt.  But they won’t be when I’m 21 and a junior in college.  They won’t be for four months in Sevilla, with these same people.  That’s why I can appreciate this so much.  Because it is literally once in a lifetime, and I could not be more grateful.

As I sit here 11,280 m in the air on an airplane on the way back to America, with a new perspective in mind and a new home in my heart, I’m beginning to see what this semester wanted to show me and to teach me.

Life is about people.  I’ve been saying this for years, and every day I come to believe it some more.  I wouldn’t be the same person that I was five months ago if I hadn’t encountered these people.  Good, genuine people like Steph and Ben and Elena and Marc and Mercedes, and all of the happy strangers I’ve met along the way.  Then there’s all of the people I met who I know will be better people with people like Steph and Ben and Elena and Marc and Mercedes in their lives.

I learned that traveling is what you make of it.  My brother, after just ten days abroad, is ready to go home.  And me, after five months of living here, just cried my eyes out to this stranger on the plane because I wish I could live in those moments forever.  I’m not ready to go home because I made and found myself another home.

But I do realize that there are moments in life that are inevitable.  Like goodbyes.  They’re heartbreakers, but I suppose they are necessary.  And to say goodbye to Sevilla is unfathomable to me, because I will be back someday.  I know it won’t be the same, but I will love it just the same because my memories will never change.

I will always look back on that city with a happy heart.  I will always be glad to share that city with anyone and everyone.  I’ve heard that going home will be hard not because I’ll miss Sevilla and my time abroad, but because no one will understand what I have just been through.  No, that’s not dramatic.  It’s not dramatic because it was my life for five months.  And I’ve decided that it is so special and so sacred to me that I want to keep it that way.

Everyone will ask me how it was and ask me maybe for a story or two, but after a few minutes they’ll have moved on to the present.  And it will be harsh and hurtful that no one cares, but I’ve already accepted that.  I’ve decided that by keeping this adventure mine and with the people I’ve shared it with, I will love it more.  Because everyone who doesn’t know can listen to a story for ten minutes but those who I shared this time with will be there to listen to me for a lifetime.

So with that I leave a little piece of me with all of these people and in all of the new places I visited, particularly Sevilla.  No me ha dejado.  NO8DO, para siempre.  It’s gonna feel damn good the next time I step foot in that city.”

Related articles

• Why I Love Spain: Sevilla (elenarivera28.wordpress.com)
• Sevilla: Making New Memories Down Memory Lane (samgoesabroad.wordpress.com)
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Reeeeewind…

I thiiiiink that this might be a very lengthy post…but I always say that and then get tired of typing and stop after 5 minutes.  So I’m sorry in advance if that happens.

WELL.  It’s been an extremely busy crazy awesome happy two weeks since I have posted.

First and foremost, I discovered this super adorbs Twitter account called Doctor Pug (@DoctorPug).

Like come on, isn’t that the cutiest thing ever?!  It makes me so happy and I would love to hang out with the pug or person who tweets as Dr. Pug.

ALSO.  I discovered a show on Animal Planet called “Too Cute: Fluffy Puppy Party”.  I never watch TV but I was stuck on the couch for a Too Cute marathon for a whole day.  Thanks, Animal Planet.

Okay, now that that’s out of my system.

I moved into my house at school with the best roomiez a girl could ask for!!  They love bacon, are happy, laugh a lot, like drinking beer and wine, enjoy Taco Tuesday and Sunday family dinners, and most importantly they tolerate my weirdness and loud music.  It felt like home the second I walked in, and it makes me giddy inside when I go to sleep that I’m surrounded by a lot of love and happiness.

Pictured above is Wiener and Banana (the best duo you will ever know) in their prime; having beer and playing video games within the first few hours of reuniting after 9 months apart.

For the last three years I have been a Hofstra Welcome Week Leader, and this year was no different.  I absolutely adored the group of students that were assigned to me.  As I sat them in a circle I introduced myself and watched them to do the same, it took me back to 2010 when I was in their shoes.  I looked at all of them and found that the last three years of college have changed me incredibly.  I mean, the age difference between an 18 year old and a 21 year old is not very big, but the life experience that college has introduced to me is sort of mind blowing in retrospect.

It was a very nostalgic Welcome Week.  It kind of hurts to be a senior while participating and working on events and programs planned for freshmen.  And sometimes I think I have more school pride than a normal person should.

But at least I got to lead a trip to Radio City Music Hall (and I didn’t lose any students!) for a stage door tour.  We met a rockette and also got private tours of the halls and stages at Lincoln Center.  Incredible!

During Welcome Week, I was also asked to speak at a study abroad panel for new students interested in studying abroad, and I had what I like to call the “study abroad glow” happening for at least a week after those two study abroad sessions.  There is nothing I love more than answering questions about Spain, study abroad, API, or my time abroad.

It’s been a weird thing adjusting back into life at school and not in Spain.  It’s crazy to understand if you’ve never been through something similar to study abroad because it seems a little overdramatic when I talk about the transition home, but it’s so real and so difficult.  I remember reading about reverse culture shock and blah blah blah before leaving for Spain, and I kind of skimmed through that material, but now it’s hitting me that it really exists, and it’s not easy.

I love life at home and here at school, but the love I have for my life in Sevilla is of another kind.  And I think that’s okay.

Throwback Tuesday:

I have a feeling this semester will be tough in several ways but I’m ready for it.

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Say say say, ain’t it been some kind of (birth)day!

Sorry, I’m still kind of on a John Mayer high.  His concert was amazing as usual.  However he was unusually emotional and vocal about fan feedback last night, talking a lot about how relieved and happy he is that people are still diggin his music.  Dear John Mayer, there will never be a time that we will not love what you do.  So, never stop doing it.

ANYWAY.  Yesterday was full of love and I can’t say with any confidence whatsoever that there is anything better than that.  Some time last week I was feeling a little down on myself (very unusual if you know me) but hey, it happens.  And so I actually wanted to make a list of nice/inspiring things that people have said to me to use as a resource for moments like that.  But I never got around to it.  And then yesterday, on my birthday, everyone was so amazing to me so I just compiled some screenshots of the extremely sweet things that my friends and family have sent to me.

So for the future me who might be having a bad day, STOP IT!

Because:

Over 130 people wrote on my wall for my birthday CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE THAT.

I just don’t get it.  Why are people so good to me?!  I like to think that it’s because I try to be good to people.

Also, I am now 22 years old.  WHAT!

I am definitely happy, free , confused, and lonely in the best way.  It’s miserable and magical, oh yeah.  Thanks T Swifty Swift. You’re an inspiration.

And so is Dippin Dots.

Austin? AWESOME

I spent this last weekend in Austin, Texas attending Peer Mentor training at API (Academic Programs International), and it was probably my favorite weekend this summer–there was simply no better way to end it.

The weekend was good for three simple reasons: the people, the city, and the inspiration.

The People
How often do you get to meet someone who walked the Camino de Santiago–from France to the west coast of Spain–in 40 days?  Someone who volunteered with sea turtles on the coast of Italy and with elephants in Thailand?  Someone who came home to the U.S. after living in Madrid for one year, only to face a life-changing tragedy?  I’m gonna guess not very often.

Well, this past weekend, I met a handful of young people who are the authors of some unbelievable life stories and experiences.  My fellow Peer Mentors are confident, hard-working, diverse, and well…perfect.  Every conversation I had with each of them was moving, and each one forced me to think harder about the ways that I could be better and live my life with purpose.  And I think that’s how every conversation should be.

People should encourage and motivate each other, regardless of their differences or disagreements.  I’ve found that great differences between people can lead to more challenging connections, but also better understandings of one another.

Along with the impressive lineup of Peer Mentors, was the API staff.  They are the people who changed mine and many others’ lives by caring so much.  They recognize the fact that all people deserve good, positive things–one of those things being a study abroad experience.  They do everything they can to make it happen, and the best part is: they want to, and they love to.  I can honestly say that I have never felt so loved by a group of people who hardly even know me.  Dare I say, that kind of love feels just as good as the love I receive from the people who’ve known me since birth.

(This is a screenshot of a video of the API staff saying congratulations to my team for winning the scavenger hunt.  Aren’t they the cutest?)

In addition to my new API family, were the strangers I met.  They were all so kind, friendly, helpful, and my favorite, happy.  We met a woman at the hotel room while we were waiting in the lobby and she saw us adoring her kids from far away and she came over, introduced them, and asked us about what we were doing, and she was so excited to be reminded of her time abroad in Chile.  And that was the best feeling–reminding someone of their international education.

Texans are happy people.  And I like that.

The City
Let me just say.  I want Austin to be kept weird for ever and for always.  It’s a great city and I can’t imagine a better word than “weird” to describe it.  On our first day we separated into teams and did a scavenger hunt around the city and despite the 100 degree weather, it was a great way to get to know the city.  The Capitol is really pretty and an awesome thing to see at the end of Congress St.  On top of the Capitol there are six flags, one of each of the countries that have had some rule over the state of Texas.  The phrase “Six Flags Over Texas” is what they use to describe this, and FUN FACT that’s where the theme park Six Flags got its name.  You’re welcome.

Further down Congress St. there are fun stores, candy/chocolate shops, outdoor jewelry markets, thrift stores, and most importantly, cowboy boot stores.  It’s such a great, happy atmosphere!  And in case you are wondering, yes I did have an ice cream cone in this city as well.

ALSO, there’s a famous graffiti’d wall that says “i love you so much”.  Unfortunately, I had no idea that was in Austin!  I follow Shwayze on Instagram, and he posted this picture the other day:

And I am SO sad that I didn’t know he was in the city at the same time I was.  I’ve been a big Shwayze fan forEVER and it would have been awesome to see him there but I guess this just means I have to go back to Austin next time he’s in town…

The nightlife in Austin is a college student’s dream.  6ixth Street (literally the street) is closed down because there are just hundreds of people bar hopping and getting weird.  There’s just no room for cars at night.  It was rowdy enough as it was–I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like during the school year with thousands of students living in the city.

It’s also a city for very active people.  There are trails along the rivers for biking, walking, and running, and there’s paddle boarding, kayaking, river tubing etc.  It’s refreshing to see so many active people no matter what time of day or week it is.

And finally, what is a whole new delicious world in Austin (and Texas in general) is the FOOD.  #OhEmGee the FOOD.  WHERE DO I BEGIN?

Well, I hate to get you excited and take it back but I’m going to do it anyway because I’ll be posting a (Sense)Story Perception blog about food in Austin very soon.  So.  I’m sorry about that.  Kind of.

The Inspiration
If there is anything I came home with from this trip, it is a giant super-size burst of LIFE.  This sleepless weekend inspired me to come back home (or go anywhere and everywhere in the world…) and tell everyone I meet for the rest of my life that they need to go abroad and study or work or volunteer, or just GO.  Sitting in that conference room every day and listening to each other speak about travels and adventures made my travel bug bite unbearably itchy.  And that is my favorite feeling.  I hope to hold on to it every single day.

I guess inspiration and travel go hand in hand.  Just as quickly as you go somewhere, you return–in the same way that inspiration comes and goes.  And in another sense, itchy travel bug bites are actually the inspiration inside all of us, waiting to be passed on to someone else.  There is gold in everyone (you can all thank Brittany Boehr for that piece of wisdom) and it is our job to find it.  Why?  Because, well, we can.

This weekend went by a little too fast.  But then again, so does life.  Thank you to everyone at API and all of the PMs for believing in me and each other, and for inspiring me to be better.

“The only magic I still believe in is love.”

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