Things I’ve done right in college so far

1.  Studied Abroad
No doubt about it–my favorite semester.  Studying abroad made me a happier, more cultured, independent student.  I don’t understand why such a small percent of students study abroad.  According to this article on Chronicle.com: only about 38% studied abroad during the summer, and 13% studied abroad for eight weeks or less during the academic year.  Fewer than 4% of students spent the entire academic year abroad.

Studying abroad is life-changing, and it’s something I will always advocate.  It is not an opportunity that any student should ever pass up.

2.  Volunteered
Volunteering on and off campus is rewarding and eye-opening.  My volunteer trips have introduced me to some really great, generous, happy people.  The opportunities also open doors; last year I volunteered for the Commission on Presidential Debates leading up to and during the second 2012 Presidential Debate hosted at Hofstra University, and  I got to meet and spend time with the producer of the debates, meet important politicians, and see what it’s like behind the scenes during preparation for such a historic national event.  Volunteering is 100% positive for every party involved, and it puts some good energy back into the vicious cycle of a world that is focused on making millions and slaving their lives away just to buy things that only last a year or two. /endrant

3.  Found a mentor
As a sophomore, I had a professor who took interest in my writing and asked me to share my papers for her to potentially use in her next textbook.  She also proposed that I work with her on my senior research project and thesis.  Two years later, we are still in touch, I still take her classes, ask her for career/academic advice, and this year we will be working on my thesis together.  My professor turned into my mentor, advisor, and I hope she’s ready to deal with my inevitable freak-outs when the time comes to graduate and enter the real world.

4.  Befriended people with the same major
Having friends in all of my classes, being familiar with all of the faces, attending events together, helping each other with schedules, professors, always being updated on missed meetings or classes, etc.  It just makes everything easier.

5.  Befriended people with different majors
I’m a mass media major involved in a medical club–doesn’t seem logical does it?  But because my good friend is pre-med, and the club needed a PR chair, I found myself loving the organization and learning about things that I would hate to take a class on.  I’m more involved on campus and with a great variety of interests.

6.  Befriended the ladies at Omelette Pan
I mean, they give me extra cheese and extra bacon.  I would consider that having the honor of calling the OP ladies my friends, is nothing but a great life accomplishment.

7.  Befriended international students
I’ve traveled to Norway and Amsterdam to visit local friends who I met at Hofstra, and I know I have a place to stay if I ever go to Norway, Amsterdam, Paris, London, Brazil, Russia, Australia or New Zealand.  More than just having places around the world to visit, these friends are unique and there are so many worldly things to learn from them.  Oh, and might I mention that maybe (just maybe) befriending international students will lead to meeting a perfect boyfriend.

8.  Became a Pride Guide
I couldn’t be more proud to be proud of my school, and being a pride guide is how I exercise bragging rights about my school.  I’m able to meet prospective students and encourage them to come to Hofstra.  I have a network of student leaders and fellow pride guides, and I have only positive things to say about my school.

9.  Had an assigned random roommate
Freshman year was a year of firsts, including living with a stranger.  Roommates are one of the biggest stress factors for freshmen, and it was no different for me.  But it turns out I had the best roommate ever, and we got along swimmingly.  We were totally opposite and perfectly the same in just the right areas, and living with her was one of my favorite things about freshman year.

10.  Worked an on campus job
Even with an on campus job, I remained a stereotypical broke college student, BUT at least I was a little less broke than I would have been without it.  Working for a department on campus also allowed me to work on my time management skills, learn more about my school and how it functions, add to my resume, and meet higher-ups, directors, and upperclass students, and make new friends–all while receiving a steady paycheck.

11.  Loved the dorms
I never understood the students who hated dorms.  They’re a place to live, sleep, party, make lifelong friends, and enjoy college.  Where else could my floormates and I have shaving creamed our buddy when he passed out after a long night of drinking?  And where else could we have had a sleepover in the hallway with nothing but a bag of Cheetos?  Probably not many places.  So take advantage of college dorms; love them, and have fun.  Because it will house some of your favorite memories, and once you leave them, you will find yourself missing the atmosphere.

12.  Made a fool of myself
I once threw up in a pizza box before we could eat the pizza.  Sometimes, that’s what college is for.

Related articles

• Alpha Chis Abroad (phichapteraxo.wordpress.com)
• The Study Abroad Process (sowhymorocco.wordpress.com)
• Studying abroad helps students gain an edge on fellow classmates (wysetc.org)
• Why do Students Leave their Countries to Study Abroad? (ilsboston.wordpress.com)
• College Tips for Freshman (equestrianoflife.com)
• College Tips Should You Study Abroads (collision26.wordpress.com)

Your future job might not even exist yet

Today I read a quote that said your future job might not even exist yet.  And it made me feel so much better about the post-graduation pressure that I’m already unsuccessfully avoiding.

I’m majoring in media and minoring in sociology–two things that will probably never go away.  So I should be set, right?  Wrong.  I am still at a total loss and confusion.

But here’s the bright side: Internet years are even faster than dog years.  Things mature and get old quickly out here on the interweb,  so I’m not worried.  Something incredible could happen in the next few months, and BAM–just like the #royalbaby, my dream job is born.  I mean, Facebook is TEN years old and it has well over one billion users around the world–that kind of success doesn’t come often in human years.  So for that reason, the speed of Internet years is comforting to me.

Humans years, on the other hand…I sort of wish that they moved a little slower.  “One more year! What are you going to do after graduation?” said everyone ever.  I’m sick of replying with different versions of what is basically I HAVE NO IDEA.  This is going to sound a little too cliche and beauty pageant-esque but I so honestly just want…to be happy.  It’s not about the paycheck for me.  I care more about how I feel, if I’m happy every day, and if I get to be surrounded by people I care about, doing something that I want to be doing.

I mean, I’m pretty broke now but I’m as happy as I could be.  And if it stays that way, I think I’ll survive.  Life has always been about people for me.  I say it all the time.  So as long as I am not alone, as long as I can wake up with a smile on, whatever I’m doing for the rest of that day doesn’t matter–I’ll take it.

So.

Dear Future Self,

Everything will be okay.  Your future job might not even exist yet.

Hakuna matata.  Just enjoy your life.

Current Self

And then there were 10

Today begins the ten day countdown to the day I leave for Spain to study abroad for a few months.

It’s an extremely exciting time for me right now.  It feels like a satisfaction-guaranteed type of deal–and I’m willing to bet that it is.  I’m scared and I’m overwhelmed, but I’m more than okay.

I’m making my way around the corner to walk the road where I’ll make my most legendary memories, take some of my most spectacular photographs, write the most detailed journals, and feel most alive.  And beyond all of the good I expect to find, I have to say I’ve also been preparing for what scares me.  Missing home, missing people, missing the familiar.  Failure, disappointment, loneliness, getting lost.  Change is often good, but almost always something to fear in this life.  But regardless, I am sincerely looking forward to what these next few months have to offer me.

My infatuation with travel and meeting new places is in a state of unrest right now, so deep I can feel it in my boones, my blood, my breath.  Heart and mind aside, my body is aching for a new place to be.  My feet want new sidewalks and my eyes need new–or maybe just different–shades of color and sky.  And my hands?  They just want to high five all over the world.

I’m planning on a re-invention of sorts for this trip.  Try new things, be more adventurous (there is always room for more adventure), consume lots of alcohol, form good habits, never sleep, spend all my money, no regrets, etc.  To sum it up, I suppose one could say YOLO…

Sure, roll your eyes at me.

But I’m the one getting ready for the trip of a lifetime.

Meaning in Money

Last week in my pop culture class, we watched a documentary about production workers in China who made bead necklaces for Mardi Gras. It was called Mardi Gras: Made in China.

Basically, it exposed the working conditions of Chinese factory workers and their stories. Girls who did not get an education but instead go to find work in factories to send money back home to their families. Color-dyed hands and arms, burnt fingers, and other work-related injuries. Fast-paced and of high expectations in production, the work that is done to make Mardi Gras beads goes unnoticed.

The filmmaker would ask people at Mardi Gras where the beads come from, and most of them don’t know, but that is hardly the problem. The problem is that we–America as a whole–live in a culture where we spend money on and buy things that we use for a significantly short period of time. Meanwhile, workers in China work fifteen hour days of manual labor to make the Mardi Gras beads that get left behind on the streets of New Orleans every year, easily wasted and trashed.

They make $62 per month, doing the same thing every single day, 6 days a week, and get just a few days a year off to go home and see their families. During the film, my professor said that the factory reminds him of prison camps–small sleeping quarters, lines and formations, strict rules, silence.

At the end of the film, I made a decision to be even more conscious of my spending habits.

Let the things you buy mean something to you for more than a short moment. Let it last.

Don’t buy Mardi Gras beads to wear for the night, and then throw them away. Buy something that will last a little longer.

When the factory workers saw that people in America got beads by taking their tops off at Mardi Gras, they were mortified. They had no idea that that is what their full-time work boils down to: drunk people throwing beads at each other.

So next time–actually, every time–you make a purchase, ask yourself where this product/service came from. Ask yourself if it is meaningful and most importantly, how long it will be meaningful for.

I’m already a conscious consumer. I reuse until I can’t reuse anymore. I rarely purchase water bottles or one-time use products. But after seeing this documentary, I’m an even stronger believer in a conscious consumer culture. We need to be smarter about money. Save some, share some.

Having enough

Tonight I will be going to New York City with an organization called the Midnight Run to deliver clothing and food to the homeless.  I participated in this Run last semester at Hofstra University and it was one of the most enlightening and humbling experiences I have ever had.

It’s not often that I get to have direct interaction with homeless people in the streets of New York City.  Sure, I see them all the time, but very rarely do I get the opportunity to approach them with clothing to give.

Throughout the semester we’ve been collecting clothing, food, and monetary donations from the Hofstra community to help our cause.  We received an overwhelming amount of donations and I am so much more excited to make this trip tonight because we have so much to offer.  Last night, we were sorting through bins and bins filled with hundreds of donated clothing items, accessories, shoes, toiletries, food, etc.  and I was surprised at the quality of some of the donated clothing.

There were brand new men’s dress shirts from Ralph Lauren, Banana Republic, Hugo Boss, and other brand-name retailers.  There was a woman’s gown and brand new semiformal dresses, fancy work tops, business suits, and new pairs of shoes.  Winter coats, beautiful leather jackets, North Face jackets, brand new Armani socks, and clothes from popular stores like H&M, Forever 21, and Ann Taylor Loft that were definitely purchased within the last few years.

All of these were being donated–implying that they are no longer wanted.  I know that may not be the case for every one of those items, but it seems to me that no one is conscious about money and quantity because we never feel like we have enough of anything.  Money, clothes, shoes, whatever it is.  Maybe some people don’t recognize how fortunate they are to be able to donate clothes that still have the price tags on them just because they don’t want them anymore.

I thought about the millions of purchases made just within the last week what with Thanksgiving sales, Black Friday, and Cyber Monday deals.  I can almost guarantee that next semester when the Midnight Run committee asks for donations, people will be donating unworn clothes that they purchased this weekend just because they were on sale.

All I wish is that more people open their eyes to bad habits we’ve developed in this consumer culture of ours.  We clearly don’t need to be purchasing so much STUFF because sometimes we end up donating them even before we use them.  Since I started making my own money and paying for expenses on my own, I’ve developed a greater understanding of the reasons its important to stay simple.

Make purchases that you need instead of purchases that you might want.  Treat yourselves to clothes once in a while but don’t get to caught up in it.  Who are you trying to impress anyway?

You have more than enough and more than you know.

Undress the Stress: Days 31-34

Yet another busy weekend that prevented me from posting!  I hate writing these in long form…

Wednesday (Day 31) was quite a buildup of stress.  It started out with no stress at all because all I did was watch Alias for hours while waiting to be picked up to go home for the holiday.

Here’s the beautiful drive home overlooking NYC:

When I got home, I guess I was  a little stressed because I was VERY behind on sleep.  And then I was stressed because I didn’t have a car since my brother was using it for the day.  I ordered about 10 pies to bring home for family and friends for the holiday weekend, and I had plans to be picked up at 8 pm that night and I had no time to make the deliveries by the time I got the car back at 6.  So I was running around town like a crazy person delivering pies and saying hello to friends and their families, all under the stress of needing to be ready to go out by 8 pm.  We ended up leaving at 8:30 so I had a little bit more time, which was perfect.  But the level of stress I was feeling was NOT okay and I wanted to be on time so that I wouldn’t ruin anyone’s plans.

Here’s the night I ended up having:

Totally kidding, it was so much fun!  I just tend to make that face a lot.  It was so, SO wonderful to see old friends.

I had a successful Thanksgiving Eve if I do say so myself.

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I’d say Day 32 was a below-average day of stress.  The morning was eventful because I FINALLY purchased my flight to Spain for next semester and I am so excited about it!  It was a little stressful because my mom and I kept going back and forth in deciding whether or not to buy it.  It was at one of the lowest prices we’ve seen in the last few weeks, and last summer when we went to Italy we foolishly waited thinking the prices could continue to go down…and they never did.  So this time we decided to go for it.

Except now I keep checking the prices just to make sure they’re not going down…I can’t help it!

I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving spent with people that you love.  I spent the day eating, laughing, and loving with my family and it really couldn’t have been better.

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Day 33 was more sad than it was stressful.  I had to go back to school and I was sad because I would miss out on the weekend at home with all my friends, and I felt like I was home for such a short amount of time.  Right before we were about to leave, my mom said to just call out of work and stay home and there are no words to describe how tempted I was.  But I neeeed to money.  And I know it’s horrible–my mom even went off on a rant about greed and how money isn’t everything.  But I want to travel so much next semester and unfortunately I need money to do that.  So I’m sacrificing just this weekend to make a little extra to save for next semester and I know it will be worth it when I’m traveling.

Here’s a friend’s analysis of…well…my life.

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Day 34 was about 1% stressful.  I’ve just been on campus working, which basically means I do nothing.  I’ve watched episodes of Alias and Modern Family, and I did some homework.  Go me!

The 1% of stress came from me trying to find public transportation routes from New York to Roanoke, VA and it’s just not working.  The only conclusion I’ve come to after attempting to research this is that Roanoke might be the hardest place in the country to get to.  If anyone knows how to get there, or if you want to buy me a plane ticket, hit me up.

Undress the Stress: Day 24

I forgot to blog last night because I just really wanted to go to sleep…

So now let me tell you what stressed me out yesterday.

NOTHING!

Somehow I went through an entire day without feeling stressed or worried.  I doubt that most people have ever experienced a completely stress-free day while they aren’t on vacation.  And I think I have this blog series to owe for that wonder.  By keeping track of the stressors in my life for the last 3 or so weeks, I’ve found patterns.  I know what stresses  me out, how I deal with it, and what I can do to de-stress.

Most people stress and they don’t know why, and I would absolutely recommend this process for them, and everyone else.  Finding the root of the problem is the first step in fixing it.  Having somewhere to go to and rant is also an effective way to express yourself.  Taking a few minutes to reflect on your day is extremely productive but it only works if you get into the habit.  It’s not something you can do at your leisure.  If you want to find the stressors and get rid of them, you have to commit.  Not forever, but as long as it takes.

It finally feels like I’m making progress in “undressing” my stresses.  I’ve learned so much about myself by reading my own blogs.  Some common stressors that I’ve found include money, relationships, and deadlines.  It’s nice to know how I can cushion the blow of incoming stresses since I know what to expect from myself.

I can only cross my fingers and hope that stress will stop choosing me as its victim now that I refuse to feel its presence.

In the words of Jason Mraz, “You don’t need a vacation when there’s nothing to escape from.”

Lucky fortunes

Yesterday something great happened.

And sure, everyday something great happens.

But today, I took to the time to figure out why.

I think a common mistake among all humans is the tendency to ascribe daily, good, positive happenings to “luck”.  So, so wrong in my opinion.  Luck is defined as “success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions”.  If we credit “luck” with the wonderful things that happen to us, then it suggests that randomly and just by happenstance, that we had no say in the matter.

If I’m “lucky” because I spent three weeks traveling in Europe last summer, then I guess it meant nothing that I worked 20 hours a week to save up money for that plane ticket.  And if I’m “lucky” because I got a scholarship from API/MatadorU, then I suppose my application had nothing to do with them choosing me as the recipient.  And if I’m “lucky” because I went to the second Presidential Debate this year, then I shouldn’t have spent so much time on my debate volunteer application over the summer.  Right?

So, so wrong.

I guess it would be nice to believe we’re lucky, and sometimes our experiences do rely on luck, but mostly life happens the way we lead it.

The great thing that happened yesterday was the birth of a new project (shhhh…more on that later) slash collaboration between myself and a fellow lover of life/blogger/happy human–the same one I had a Starbucks date with this past weekend.  She suggested a wonderful idea that I loved, and within just a few hours the ball was rolling and ideas were sparking our creative senses uncontrollably.

As this was happening, I took a moment to remind myself of how lucky I am to have such an inspirational and proactive friend in my life who continues to influence me in positive ways.  But then–here comes the epiphany–I remembered.  I am not lucky.  I chose this.  This was all my doing.

You can imagine this was an invigorating and liberating moment for me.  And every day could be this way for all of us if we take certain moments to remember that we are the captains of our very own life ships.  Good things do not happen just because.  They happen because we open the doors to let them.

Keep people in your life who inspire you, and keep them close.

Work hard and reward yourself with experiences that others only dream of.

Practice until you are satisfied.

Set goals and let them lead you to a version of yourself that you want to be.

That’s how we are lucky: by choosing to be.  Look at your life as a road of constant choices, not “lucky” happenings.

 

Undress the Stress: Day 22

All in all, I’d say today was moderately stressful.

Stress management was only 20 minutes long today because our professor was sick, and she didn’t feel well enough to continue the lecture.  We were supposed to speak about confrontation…definitely could have used that lecture today.

• Bill$.  So today I went into the financial aid office at my school to discuss the voicemail I got last Friday.  Somehow I need to come up with $1500 by November 5th.  Yeah, November 5th.  Today is November 13th.  You do the math… The stress from this will probably be looming over me until mid-December.  Basically I have to choose between making the last payment for my tuition this semester, OR pay for the study abroad program next semester.  If only the due dates weren’t 8 days ago and if only I didn’t get the phone call 3 days ago then maybe this could have been figured out early.  But such is life and I’m not made of money so until that paycheck comes in December, one bill is going to remain unpaid.  Let’s hope that doesn’t result in something horrible.
• Lack of sleep.  I’ve been working as many hours as I can pick up every week because I’m saving up money for next semester abroad.  And as you can imagine it’s taking a toll on my relationship with my bed.  We just don’t see each other as often as I’d like and it stresses me out just a tad.  Today I was literally penciling in time to take naps throughout the day…I took two 1-hour naps within the same four hours…Go ahead, judge me.
• Waiting.  So I e-mailed someone last week about writing me a letter of recommendation for another position I’m applying for while abroad, and I still haven’t gotten a response.  It’s frustrating to me because I would really like to get this done ASAP and clearly that’s just not going to happen.  I guess sometime tomorrow I’m going to drop by the office and see if he got the e-mail and if he would be willing to write the letter.
• Distance.  Still feeling conflicted about this LDR (long-distance relationship).  I wish that telepathy existed because I can’t take the distance–literally and figuratively–anymore.  I’ve finally spoken about this out loud to my closest of friends, but it’s not a problem that anyone else can fix.  I’m just trying to let this play out for a little bit longer I guess?

Lately I’ve been using the DESC technique (stress management) to addressing issues.  Describe, Express, Specify, and Consequence.  In resolving conflicts, it really does help.

Describing the issue to the person with whom you are in conflict, preferably in one sentence, paints the picture in their mind so they can see what the problem is.

Expressing yourself using “I” and not “You” gives the person a sense of what you are feeling or how this situation makes you feel.  By using “I”, you’re not offending anyone because all you are doing is saying how you feel.

Specifying is when you tell the person what needs to be done in order to resolve the conflict.  Using phrases like “I would like if…” or “It would make me feel better if…” can help in detailing what you want.

Consequences should be chosen and vocalized so that both parties are aware what actions will lead to eliminating issues in the future.  You can give both a negative and positive scenario of what could happen if a change is made, or what could happen if the situation stays the same.

The most effective part of this theory (at least for me) is that it doesn’t require an intense confrontation or argument.  Although it is still a confrontation of sorts, it is more of an expression of feeling rather than a blame game of sorts.  People tend to point out issues by blaming the other party or focusing on what he/she did rather than expressing how it made them feel.  Like I said, by expressing oneself, it does not offend or give the other person a reason to be on their defensive.

In the simplest of situations, I would suggest practicing the DESC technique so that when bigger issues arise, you’ll have an idea of how to approach.  It’s working very well for me lately.  (Except for that last stressor that’s been present for a few days now.  Still workin’ on it.)

In other/lighter news, a happy happy birthday to this most precious pup:

Undress the Stress: Day 17

Third time’s a charm, guys.

NO stress today.  I realized there’s a difference between having the stress, and feeeeeeling the stress.

I know that I have stress.  That’s an absolute fact.  I worry about schoolwork, money, my loved ones, the future, just to name a few.  I’m under pressure to meet deadlines and be on time.  There are expectations held of me by my mom, my boss, my professors, etc.

We are people, and we all have stress.  However, I think the tables turn when you ask yourself whether or not you feel the stress.  Does it affect your life?  Does it change your behavior?  If so, I think some reevaluating is needed.

Recognize that there is no reason to overwhelm yourself.  Having stress is not the part of the equation that you can control.  The part that you have a say in is the most important: whether or not you need to feel the stress.

In no way am I suggesting that responsibilities should be avoided or ignored because they shouldn’t.  All I’m saying is that stress is overrated.  All it takes to alleviate it is a deep breath and a new perspective.  #5 on this list of Ways to Add More Life to Your Years is “Make your gratitude list longer than your worry list.”

Of course there are days where I feel overwhelmed.  Days 1-14 were practically overflowing with worry.  But in those days I’ve realized that there are so many more moments throughout that I have felt grateful than stressed.

I once read about a 3:1 positive to negative emotion theory by Barbara Frederickson, a psychology professor and author.  She said that for every (1) negative emotion, feeling or experience a person has, there should be an ideal of (3) positive ones experienced along with it in order to naturally achieve a level or feeling of positivity.

We spend more time worrying about the single negative emotion than we do celebrating the positive ones.  It is a fact that negative emotions have greater impacts on people than positive ones.  You never forget when someone makes you feel bad, but the shared moment of positive energy is quick to pass by.  This needs to change.

At the end of the day, or even better during a moment of stress, hit the pause button for a moment.  Look back on your day and recall three positive moments.  Whether it’s the nice weather, a good hair day, or when someone paid you a compliment, allow every positive to drown out the negativity that a stressor brings.

You do not need to feel the extremity of stress in order to recognize it and take care of it.

Here are three lovely images that I hope get that positivity flowing.

The open road.

Frrrozen hot chocolate from Serendipity.

A puppy!